Messed Up
by Bridge7112
Summary: I never thought Cartman and I would ever have something in common, and yet here he is, patting my back while I vomit whatever I ate for lunch today. Some think I live the perfect life, I personally think I'm pretty messed up. Clyde's POV. Future Tyde
1. I Have A Problem

Dear Diary,

You know it's funny. There are certain things people say to look out for and at the time you think oh I'm smart enough that I'll never do that. It's always the same warnings, don't drink and drive, don't do drugs, don't follow peer pressure. Yet people do it anyway, because when they're warned they don't think it's possible it could happen to them.

Let's just say I'm one of them.

You take a look at me and you'd probably laugh, you'd say you're Clyde Donovan, you've got good friends, a hot girlfriend, you may not have the best grades but you're the star quarterback so who gives a damn.

Well I do actually, and let me be pessimistic and negative to tell you what is wrong with each of those statements.

This first is that I am gay. I find girls completely unattractive and I only hang around with Bebe because it's what's expected of me. I mean the star quarterback can't be kissing some guy on the field that would just look wrong. I personally think she's a tramp who uses me to get her free fucking shoes, which I give her because I don't want her to leave and mess up my plan, my normalcy.

Second I'm gay for one of my best friends, a kid I've known since kindergarten. I'm talking about Token Black, and no I am not just in it for the money. He's one of the smartest kids in South Park next to Kyle and Wendy, although for some reason nobody wants to take Wendy seriously. I mean he's smart, funny, and just an awesome guy to be around. Do I have wet dreams about him? Yes, yes I do, and I am not afraid to admit that. I am afraid of what would happen if anyone were to find out the truth however.

Let's see what else can I get off my mind? Ah, well Token's African American, and I swear I have no problem with that, I'm one of those it's on the inside that counts kind of guys, and trust me that was my mantra for years of dealing with verbal abuse which I'll get to later. No, it's my parents, they're extremely racist and trust me its noticed when Token comes over which is why my house is usually never a hangout. I really hate it, it's always like I'm the outcast and the one not pulling my weight in the group since I can't host sleepovers or parties, or even a damn video game session!

Now we get on the topic of my parents. They're good people, or at least they try to be. I wish they had a few more rules though. Since I'm a football star and all it doesn't matter what little mistakes I make. Oh you got a ticket for speeding? I'll clear that up. Well Clyde you definitely smell like weed and booze, but you know what you're just a kid. Clyde what are you doing coming home at three in the morning? Screwing around those ladies eh champ?

Yeah, it sucks more than you honestly think it would I mean I love the freedom but a little tiny bit of discipline would be nice.

Then we move onto my grades do you think I like being retarded? Well I'm not retarded, but I do think I have some form of learning disability that possibly could be diagnosed if I wasn't living in god damn South Park. I fail everything; I honestly just don't understand it. I hate it because when we have group assignments or partner work I'm always left working by myself and getting a good grade anyway since I'm such a star. Token's never abandoned me though, and Craig and Tweek haven't either although I know it's only a matter of time.

Funny, mom said writing in this thing might help, maybe adults are right sometimes.

* * *

><p>I closed the book and sighed, leaning back on my chair.<p>

I was sitting at my desk, my pencil which had been freshly sharpened when I began writing now was a dull little stub. Good thing too, I couldn't think of anything else to write right now and my hand was cramping furiously. I began massaging it with my free hand and looked at my alarm clock. I groaned at the time, four o'clock.

I'd spent most of the night doing Calculus work which I didn't fucking understand and probably never will, then on to Physics and English and writing in that stupid journal. I groaned and grabbed my head which had started pounding as soon I began my work. I felt like absolute shit right now and I didn't think I could even get up from my chair. I tried to, only to experience a dizzy spell so bad that I was forced to sit back in. I looked longingly at my comfortable and fluffy bed just a couple of steps away. Damn it! I sighed and spun in my chair, crossing my arms on my desk so I could use them as a pillow.

I sighed and thought while I lay there, patiently waiting for sleep to overtake me.

* * *

><p>I was sick, very sick, but I hadn't realized it yet.<p>

I'm sensitive, extremely sensitive. One wrong word, a gentle bump, a light tap can send me into a hysterical fit that was only outshone by Tweek's screaming.

So I absolutely hated it when people called me fat. The truth was I was slightly overweight. I wasn't all muscle like my parents believed or like my friends told me. There was always that huge layer of skin that jiggled when I walked, yes it does jiggle. I was teased by kids throughout the years, not as bad as Cartman but still.

The thing was I never told anyone about it, figuring if I could take it, maybe I could be stronger. Maybe I wouldn't be seen as such a big baby if I just held it all in. Well, I did cry hysterically when I got into the bathroom and locked myself safely in a stall that wouldn't tell my secret.

Yet I learned alter that even my own weak attempts at stopping them and ignoring them only egged them on.

Then one day Tweek saw everything, he watched as the group of freshman, yes freshman left a senior nearly bawling in the hallway. I remember looking at the floor, the tears coming a bit early, when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I'd turned only to see Craig, a look of sympathy on his usually emotionless face.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell us?"

After that it stopped, but the kids words had made me see the truth.

That's why I went to Cartman. You see, over the summer he'd actually lost a lot of weight leaving him thinner than anyone possibly could have imagined. He now looked at what I guess would've been my weight at the time. However he was nastier than ever, snapping at anyone and everyone, do one day when I noticed him going to the bathroom I followed him, wondering if I could ask him about his magical secret, only to open the door to him vomiting in the toilet in front of me.

"Close the door gay wad!" he yelled, and with that I slammed the door shut. He finished and wiped his mouth, before turning to see me. At first he looked nervous.

"That's how you did it?" I asked, and he smirked.

"Does Clahd want to drop a few pounds?" I swallowed nervously.

"But you're not."

"Skin and bones?" he asked and I nodded. "It's because of all my weight." My eyes widened at that, he never admitted her was fat to anyone. "It'll take em longer to realize." he said with a confident smirk.

"Can I try?" I didn't recognize my own voice and he nodded, stepping away to give me use of the toilet. I kneeled in front of it like I'd seen him doing. "Now what?"

"Stick your finger in your throat, as far as it can go."

I jammed my finger, only to yelp as I scratched something and in seconds vomit shot out of my mouth, I was happy some reflex had yanked my arm back or else I'd have vomit all over my sleeve. It was the first time I'd purged, and when I was finished, there was a wave of something that came over me, something I couldn't describe. I was actually smiling as I wiped off the mess with a piece of toilet paper and looked up at Cartman. His response was a smile and a hand offering to pull me up.

"Welcome to the beautiful world of the thin people Clahd."

* * *

><p>We all think we're too smart to do certain things.<p>

I thought I was, I thought I could never develop an eating disorder. It never crossed my mind that I could starve myself of any nutrients that my body so desperately craved, that I would go to the bathroom after lunch every day after eating enough food to satisfy my friends that I would just vomit it back up, that I would abuse the weight room just to burn off anything that wasn't vomited, that I would stop eating breakfast and dinner and barely eat lunch. I never thought I'd be one of those sickly thin people who don't understand how thin they actually are.

Yet here I am.

My name is Clyde Donovan, and for two weeks I have suffered from Anorexia Nervosa.


	2. The Secret Is Out

My alarm blared, ringing way too loudly for my ears which made me already pounding headache even worse.

I groaned and sat up at my desk, wincing as my back protested after being in a laying down position for so long. Slowly I stretched upwards until a loud crack rang out and the pain in my back melted away. I sighed in relief before getting hit with a harsh shiver.

I was only wearing boxers at the moment and I decided to shower and get dressed. I walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower before going to the bathroom. Unlike most guys I will admit I don't just jump in the shower, I have to turn it on and let it run for two minutes until it gets nice and hot before finally jumping in, letting the heated water touch my goose bump infested skin and closing my eyes in pure bliss. I grabbed my shampoo and rub it into my hair, only to frown as I felt the strands come loose. I sighed and pulled my hands down only to see light brown strands of my hair sprinkled in the foam. I quickly rinsed it out trying to prevent myself from shedding any further and went to washing the rest of my body.

I smiled slightly; my stomach was looking a little smaller than before. That meant it had to be working!

Excited now, which countered and dulled the pain of my headache I stepped outside the shower and glanced at myself in the mirror. Of course this was just an appearance check, I had my reputation to keep up after all. I thought I looked ok, however the real test was when I opened my mouth, checking my teeth.

After my first week I noticed they'd started to fade from their gleaming white. When I'd asked Cartman he'd told me that whitening strips would do the trick which they were.

I smiled at myself, getting a white smile in return and sighing with relief. I walked back into my room and headed toward my desk, jamming the homework I had barely understood in my bag and out of my sight. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. The smells of my parents' breakfasts made my stomach growl in hunger, and Id di the best I possibly could to ignore it by rubbing it slightly.

"Morning sweetie." My mom chirped happily from where she was making pancakes. My dad simply lowered his paper and said morning before pulling it back up.

"Alright well I have to go, see you guys later." I said turning to leave the kitchen.

"Sweetie are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" My mom asked, "You haven't eaten with us for a while."

"I'm running late mom, maybe tomorrow." I hated lying to her. "I'll grab something with Token before school!"

Immediately I knew I'd said the wrong thing because the chipperness in mother's voice was gone as I walked out the door, only to hear her call, "Have a good day."

I sighed and rubbed my aching stomach once more knowing I'd just completely lied. I began thinking about food because sometimes it took the pain away although usually it only made it worse. It was because I began thinking that my attention was deterred from where I was walking and I stumbled, causing me to drop my bag and most if not all of my stuff spilled out onto the pavement.

"Fuck." I whispered angrily to myself as I bent down and hurriedly tried to reclaim my things before the wind blew. Thankfully I was able too, although this was going to make me late since I walked to school. Another embarrassing thing is that I still have my permit. I failed the test to get my permit at least four times and I still haven't passed a driving test yet. I sighed knowing that running was an extremely bad idea, since ice was fucking everywhere.

Of course I'd rather actually have a good idea for being late so maybe running wasn't the worst idea. So being me and not really thinking about the consequences I started to run. Not two seconds later I slipped which was just my luck, landinging a crumpled heap and simply getting extremely pissed off, of course nobody else could see this because I don't get pissed off, I'm not supposed to. I sighed and went to stand back up, dusting excess ice from myself before heading towards the school.

Lucky for me I got there on time, one thing that seemed to go right for me today. The bell rang just as I got into my first period class, Algebra 2. Apparently you need that class to graduate and I had failed it the year before. Although the only good thing about this class was that I wasn't the only one who had failed the year before. Along with the really smart sophomores who doubled up on math like Token had and the juniors there were still a few familiar faces.

The only face that mattered to me was the blonde who jumped a foot when I threw my bag next to him. "Gah!"

"Morning Tweek." I responded with a smirk, which only turned to a groan as my nonstop headache pounded in my head. I took my seat and promptly rested my head on my arms to try and prevent the light from hitting my eyes, maybe that would help a little.

"Clyde you ok? Are you sick? Oh Jesus please don't be sick! I can't go to the hospital again! I barely, urk, made it through here when Craig and I, gah, fought!" Tweek screeched in my ear which made my head pound even worse.

"Tweek, my head hurts."

"Oh, ngh sorry." he whispers back, understanding the pains of a headache. Trust me if Tweek does not have coffee for any amount of time he gets these crippling migraines that cause him to cry, and if anyone comes near him or he sees a hint of light he screams like a banshee.

The teacher begins talking and I'm not paying attention, pain slowly pulsing throughout my entire body as my stomach reminds me once again that its hungry. Stupid organ.

My eyes close for a second, and before I know it I hear Tweek screeching. "Oh my god Clyde why are you not waking up! Are you dead? Gah! Eww I just touched a dead body!"

"Tweek, shut up." I hear the nasally voice of Craig and immediately the conspiracies stopped which I was thankful for. "Clyde you ok?" Now I was being poked and I glared up to see Craig staring at me. "Bell rang."

Wow, was I really that out of it?

"Are you ok, you've been a bit off lately." Craig commented.

"I'm fine." I said standing up, only to wobble a bit.

"Dude?" Craig asked quizzically grabbing my arm only to frown deeply. At that I grabbed my books hastily and left the room.

"What was that, ngh, about?" asked Tweek only to notice Craig looking extremely uncomfortable which as we all know is extremely weird for Craig.

"Craig? Oh Jesus have you been replaced by some?" He stopped when Craig glared making him panic. "Craig?" he asked nervously, not wanting to make his best friend even angrier.

"He felt weird Tweek, all boney, something's wrong." said Craig, only remembering the feeling of his friend's bony arm in his fingers "Keep an eye on him today will you? I'll text Token."

I walked to my next class trying hard to stay awake even though I didn't need to. The next two periods I had a study hall, then gym, an elective which was currently foods, lunch, English, Italian which I never paid attention in, and then senior study meaning I can leave early. Study took place in the cafeteria so I sighed in relief and dropped my books, completely forgetting to do the homework I had to do in order sleep. I placed my head on the table and fell asleep once more. A rough shove on my arm caused me to come to and I blinked glaring up angrily at my shover.

"Token?"

"Dude are you ok?" Token asked plopping down across from me.

"What're you doing here?" I asked.

"It's third period dude, remember we have it together?"

Already? Damn todays was flying.

"Clyde are you ok?" asked Token with concern in his voice. I blinked and looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"Dude you've been out of it all day it's not like you." I smiled slightly.

"I'm fine."

"Clyde you're."

"I said I'm fine!" It was a harsh snap that caused everyone in the room to quiet. With that I stood up and went to the teacher.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" I got the nod yes and headed into the bathroom, it was completely empty which was just what I needed. I found myself bending in front of the toilet and sticking my finger in as far as it could go. The warmth sped up my throat only to be a weird colored spit. I didn't have anything to throw up, nothing was left in my stomach.

"Come on!" I growled angrily jamming my finger down my throat once more. The gag reflex activated and I was about to throw up when my collar was grabbed and I was yanked backwards. My head smacked on the floor and I glared up.

"Clyde?" Tweek was standing over me, nervousness and concern in his eyes as he twitched uncontrollably. Personally I was surprised he had the strength to pull me back like that. "What were you, ngh, doing?"

I had so many excuses I could have used, so many things I could have said. I looked up at Tweek, preparing to say I didn't feel good when I felt tears come to my eyes.

"I, I was throwing up Tweek."

"Why? Are you, ngh, sick? I knew it!" he shrieked.

"It's not that." I whispered and Tweek looked at me. I burst into tears which startled the crap out of him. "I'm fat!" I wailed, only to be hugged which was complimented by an occasional twitch and jolt.

"But then why were you, ngh throwing…" Tweek was quiet. "Oh god, gah!" With that the hug left me and I heard beeping, he was texting, before he returned to holding me, gently soothing and whispering making me curl into his arms and whimper.

Literally seconds later the door slammed open and I looked up to see Craig and Token staring at me.

"Please tell me." Craig started his face so angry it made me cringe and hide in Tweek's shoulder. "That what Tweek just sent us was some fucking joke."

I cried even harder than before, unable to deny the truth any longer.

"God Clyde." Token whispered, and with that joined our hug on the floor. I knew Craig was pissed, however I was touched when he put his hands on my shoulders. "We're going to help you Clyde." Token promised softly, and I continued sobbing. "You're not alone Clyde, never alone." said Token squeezing me extra tight, "And we're gonna get you better."


	3. I Was Worried

"Clyde?" Token's gentle voice was in my ear and I looked up at him, immediately noticing the tear stains on his expensive shirt from when I'd burrowed my head into it and sobbed.

"Sorry about the shirt." I said with a sad sniffle. He and Tweek were still on the floor with me, Craig on the other hand was standing by the door. It hurt a bit that he wouldn't even look at me and whenever he did I noticed the look of pure disgust in his eyes. Craig didn't show his emotions, but his eyes gave away everything.

"Don't worry about it." said Token with a smile. "It's not important, look Clyde maybe it'd be best if I took you home dude."

Immediately I froze. "No dude I can't, I mean Chef'll have my ass if I'm late to football practice."

"Clyde that should be that least of your worries." said Token calmly. "Right now you're sick Clyde, very sick."

"But I need to play! They're counting on me!" I cried and stood up, a little wobbly a first but able to stand straight. "I can't just let them down."

"You can and you are." I flinched at the harshness in Craig's voice. "But."

"Shut up." That shut me up, you see Craig never tells his friends to shut up since we're the only people who actually really talk to him and it's the only human interaction he gets.

"Yeah the best place for, ngh, you is home." said Tweek placing a comforting arm on my shoulder. "Gah! They'll help you."

"No they won't." I muttered sadly and with that dropped to my knees feeling weak and exhausted. "They never do." And that was the truth. If I told them that they'd probably just laugh and not believe me at all, even if I showed them I was skin and bones they'd probably laugh. Not their son they'd say, not their son.

"Alright then." I felt someone's arm go under my legs, the other supporting my back as they picked me up.

"Wha? Token!" I yelped blushing heavily and clutching at his shirt in fear of falling out of his safe and secure arms.

"It's alright Clyde, I got you." he said soothingly. "I'll take you to my house and you can relax, maybe get a little something into you, that ok?" I looked up at him and noted his own eyes, the look on his face that plainly said either you agree and we do this quietly and easily, or you whine and bitch and make a huge scene which will end in us taking you to the nurse and having her call your parents, the choice is yours. I sighed in defeat and instead burrowed my face into Token's shirt calmly inhaling his sweet scent and sighing in pleasure as quietly as I could. He smelled like expensive cologne, not that crappy all spice or whatever they sold at Wall-Mart but something sweet that made me want to stay in his arms forever. He was warm too, my body let out a shudder and it tried to absorb some of the warmth. I shivered as soon as a blast of cold air hit me and I realized we were outside in the snow. My body began shaking more and more until my shivers looked worse than Tweek's panic attacks.

"Hang on Clyde we're almost to my car." Token soothed gently rubbing his fingers against my spine trying to help me relax. I was soon deposited into the passenger's seat of a very expensive car and the door slammed shut. I cuddled up, for some reason my shivers were the worst they'd ever been for some reason. I looked up to see them talking, Token waving them off probably saying he could take care of me or something. Tweek was nodding, and Craig was simply glaring, he turned and I swore he looked right at me. My instinct was to duck under the window and hide like some four year old who had gotten into trouble. I heard a loud click and soon Token had slid into the driver's seat next to me. I heard the car roar to life and I looked at the window, so ashamed of myself that I couldn't bare to even think of looking at him.

"Dude." he whispered softly and I turned for a second to look at him, our eyes meeting. "Look I'm not mad at you ok, I'm really not." He put a hand on my thigh in an attempt at comfort which only made me even more uncomfortable. "I'm just worried, we all are." I knew they were, but there really was nothing to worry about. I was making myself healthy, if anything they should be proud of me. I felt a warm hand press against my forehead and I blinked frowning slightly. "Dude you're fucking freezing." said Token worriedly. He pressed something on the steering wheel and in seconds my seat was heating up, oh the awesomeness of having a filthy rich best friend. I sighed happily as my body greedily tried to suck up the heat. Soon warm air was blowing in my face as well and I felt really relaxed and once again incredibly sleepy.

"Token, I'm gonna take a nap, kay?" I asked, however it was so mumbled I couldn't even understood what I said however I closed my eyes and slipped off into sleep.

* * *

><p>When I came too I realized I wasn't cold anymore and I wasn't in Token's car anymore. I was laying on something soft and there was something warm covering me. I was tilted up halfway and I realized why in a second. Right now Token, the boy I have a crush on, was holding me in his lap. I was covered in a huge fuzzy blanket and his arms were wrapped around my sides with my head lying in his chest. My legs were on the couch, his own so close to them it made me blush slightly. I realized we were on the couch in his living room, the TV was on but so low I had to strain to hear it. I looked up to see Token's chin right above my head. Another thing I somewhat hated that Token was taller than me, but I usually ignore it.<p>

"Token?" I asked softly and he looked down and smiled softly.

"Hey you're up."

"Yeah." I said with a light blush covering my face. "Uhm why are you holding me?"

"Because I wanted to." he said as if it were obvious.

"Huh?"

"I wanted to hold you Clyde, you know you're pretty fricking adorable when you sleep." If I hadn't blushed heavily before I sure was now.

"Uhh."

"You completely crashed in the car so I carried you in, I had to tell my mom what was going on and you know she's pretty worried about you." I slunk into the blanket, I liked Mrs. Black she'd always been really nice to me and I hated to make her worry. "She told me to cover you in a blanket and let you sleep it off, I did and you finally stopped shaking like Tweek, but you were just, too adorable to just leave there." he admitted and I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Token?" My voice was soft.

"Clyde, I mean look at you. I don't know why but when we were in that bathroom I just wanted to hold onto you, to protect you from anyone that made you feel like you were fat, and I had the strongest urge to kick those freshman's asses again." he said with a slight smirk. "But the point is Clyde, I wanted to help you more than anything, and the only reason I can come up with is.." he stopped and I looked up at him.

"That you love me?" I finished and he looked at me sadly. Wait why was he sad? No this was supposed to be a happy moment; this was where I was supposed to say I love you too! Oh god Token please don't say you've been messing with me!

"I think so Clyde." he said with a sigh. "And I know you and Bebe…" Oh god not that whore! I'm not in love with her Token! I'm in love with you. I pouted angrily as he rambled on about how he didn't want to make me uncomfortable, and how he didn't want to mess up my relationship with Bebe. He went on to mention something else when I sat up slightly making him look down, and kissed him. Years of wishing and waiting now caused me to indulge in the kiss I had been dreaming of, it honestly was the best experience I'd ever had. Token seemed confused, but he gently cupped my face in his hands and easily took control something I was more than happy to give him. When we both leaned back I felt so content and absolutely happy that I couldn't explain it. Token had a smile on his face as well.

"I like you too." I said with a whisper and nuzzled into his chest, breathing in the scent that was Token. He smiled as one arm snaked its way around my back and pulled my closer, the other arm went up and its hand began stroking my brunette hair. I sighed in such contentment. This was a dream come true, this is what I'd always wanted. For once I didn't care about my normalcy, all I wanted was for this feeling in my chest to stay there forever. I wanted to stay in Token's warm arms and I wanted us to be happy like this, I wanted this! I didn't want to be a quarterback, I didn't want to be Bebe's boyfriend, I didn't want to be the school retard, I just wanted to be Token Black's boyfriend, and for once I didn't give a shit about what anyone else thought. I closed my eyes slightly, when a smell wafted into my nose and I blinked them open. Token's mother was setting a tray down next to her son and smiling at him. He nodded and mouthed something and she walked away.

"Whass up?" I asked drowsily.

"You fell asleep again." he said smiling. Did I? It hadn't felt like that. "Clyde my mom made you some chicken broth, there's nothing in it, do you think you could stomach some of it?" I nodded, I'd try for Token. He picked up a spoon and dipped it into the liquid, then brought it to my lips. I gently sipped it, and immediately my stomach greedily wanted more. I began slurping the soup quicker and quicker until the bowl was gone. I let out a desperate whine for more, and Token sighed. "Wait a few minutes Clyde, my mom said you might get sick if you eat too much." My stomach was already cramping angrily, but it had tasted so good and so warm. "Clyde?" I looked up at Token. "if you've always liked me, then why are you dating Bebe?" I frowned and looked up at him.

"I'll tell you but you've gotta promise you won't think of me as self-centered." Immediately he frowned.

"Clyde why would I think that?" I sighed and began my story. I told him everything, my covers and my problems, my parents and my girlfriend, the sport and I hated and my grades. When I stopped Token merely stared, and then I was pulled into a hug. My eyes widened, however soft words were whispered in my ears. "Oh god Clyde we didn't, why didn't you tell us?"

Because I wanted to be strong, because I wanted to seem brave, although I knew what the truth was. I'm Clyde Donovan, and I had just made a stupidest mistake of my life, if only I'd told them everything instead of keeping it bottled up.

"I'll help you Clyde." he said with soft kisses on my forehead. "We'll make everything perfect."

"Promise?" I asked childishly.

"Promise." he said, taking the hand out of my hair and capturing my pinkie with his. "Now go to sleep Clyde, you look exhausted." I didn't have to be told twice and I leaned into my pillow, falling asleep to the thumping of his heart.


	4. Love Is In The Air

I whimpered slightly when I woke up, something was wrong.

My stomach was aching, pain shooting out through all of my senses and making my eyes tear up like they always did at the tiniest prick of pain. I felt way too warm and extremely uncomfortable and I whimpered again.

"Mm, Clyde?" can a sleepy voice, and then I remembered I'd fallen asleep on top of Token. I didn't answer and he sat up slightly, moving me and my stomach which made me whine. That immediately woke him up and he gently took me into his arms, ignoring my whimpers of pain and protest.

"Clyde what's wrong?" he asked as he gently placed his hand on my forehead, the concern melting into a deep frown. "You're warm." "My stomach." I whined trying to curl into a fetal position so I could cradle it. Token gently placed me onto the couch, my hand shot out to grab his wrist and I begged him silently not to go. "Clyde I'm going to get my mom, she'll know what to do ok?" he asked calmly although I could sense the pure worry in his voice.

I wondered if that was a couple thing, that you could sense what your love was really feeling and not what he tried to portray.

By the time I was finished thinking about that Token was back followed quickly by Mrs. Black. I wanted to greet her respectfully like I normally did, however I simply whimpered.

"The soup must have been too much, we should have given him a smaller portion." she said quietly as she gently felt my forehead. "It's only a little warm, nothing to worry about." she said confidently. She pulled off my jacket and I allowed her too because I liked Mrs. Black and I really wished my mom was more like her. I yelped when her icy fingers went under the white shirt that I always wore under my jacket .She gently began pressing down and I whimpered slightly when she got to sensitive parts.

I also liked that she was no nonsense when it came to injuries and sickness and she always knew what to do.

"His stomach wasn't ready for it, we should try tapioca tomorrow, he should be able to digest that easier." she muttered to herself. "I'm sorry Clyde, that was my mistake."

"It's ok Mrs. Black, really." I said in a somewhat strained voice. Token slid back onto the couch and pulled me into his lap, gently cooing and whispering soothing words. I heard Mrs. Black walk off, only to come back a few seconds later.

"Here Clyde think you can drink this?" she asked handing me the glass; it even had one of those little bendy straws that I can amuse myself for hours by just playing with it. I took a tiny sip and sighed in relief, it was diet coke, something I'd been drinking a lot of since I stopped eating. I took a stronger sip and heard Mrs. Black sigh in relief as she ruffled my hair lovingly. "He'll be fine Token, just keep him drinking that, the bubbles should help his stomach." Token nodded and she walked off, probably to go back to bed. I held the glass and sipped faithfully as Token rubbed my back soothingly.

Suddenly a burp escaped my mouth and I sighed with pleasure.

"You ok?" Token asked quickly and I nodded.

"That felt really good." I muttered embarrassed and I felt my cheeks heating up slightly.

"Then that's a good thing right?" Token asked nervously and I nodded.

"Yeah, I think so." Token laid back a bit making himself more comfortable and it didn't bother me at all so I as fine as well. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, the sudden burst of light hitting my eyes however after a few blinks and it was soothed. "Token, what time is it?" I asked wondering how much of the day I'd missed sleeping.

"About one in the morning." he responded.

"What!" I yelped slightly, trying to sit up but Token's arms held me firmly in place. "My parents are going to kill me!"

Token frowned and sighed. "Yeah they're pretty pissed at you right now, my mom had to call them and they wouldn't stop screaming."

I flinched and snuggled a bit closer to him, his arms gently wrapped around me and were careful not to spill the beverage in my hands as he tried to console me. "Token, can I live here?" He laughed at that and I frowned looking up at him, then smiled slightly remembering that had been a joke when we were younger. Whenever it had been the four of us, me, Token, Tweek, and Craig we'd all begged Token to let us live with him. We could become his adopted brothers or something, our parents probably wouldn't even notice we were gone and we'd all laughed hysterically. However now I was completely serious.

"I don't want to go home Token." I whined, "They'll kill me."

"They won't lay a finger on you." Token promised.

"They can and they will, after all I am still legally their son until next year." I said with a sigh, realizing my eighteenth birthday was in the spring.

That's when a something vibrated underneath me, which actually felt slightly good as perverted as that sounds. Token gently felt around the couch, then his hand slid under my legs which made me tense until he pulled the offending object out from under my butt.

"Clyde were you just getting off on how my cellphone vibrating felt?" Token asked with pure laughter in his voice and I simply smiled sheepishly. "That little thing turned you on?" I nodded and he got a weird look on his face.

"You got a message." I pointed out and he flipped the phone open, then sighed and smiled at me.

"You up for a little company?" I looked at him confused as he got up and I whined at the loss of my pillow. "I'll be back, I promise." he soothed and with that he walked away again. I sighed and placed the half full glass on the coffee table within arm's reach and settled myself once more.

"Clyde?"

I smiled at the trembling voice and muttered, "Hey Tweek." He walked over and sat next to me with a smile as I pushed myself up into a sitting position and burped again. "Excuse me." I said shyly and Tweek laughed which sent his body into a fit of shivers and trembles.

"Token said you weren't feeling to good." said Tweek sympathetically.

"Just a stomach ache is all." I said with a smile feeling really awake now since I'd been sleeping all day, the pain had receeded greatly by then and I was definitely feeling better.

"I've been worried about, ngh, you! I wanted to come after school but Token said you were sleeping."

"Then why did you come at one in the morning?"

"Because Token promised he'd text me the next time you woke up, or I'd text him about the underpants gnomes." said Tweek with a tiny shiver.

Tweek had never grown out of his fear with those things even though we'd found out they were absolutely harmless. We even got them to stop taking his underwear, although we did have to give them a bunch of ours, but the result was instant. Tweek was less jittery, needing less coffee, and sleeping a lot more which allowed his true personality to come out more. Although some nights he did have panic attacks and he usually called us, I guess tonight he was having one of his moments.

"Craig's here too." he said with a light smile and I noticed something as a bit different about him. Usually he didn't really smile and he never made small talk since it was way too much pressure.

"What's up, you're happy and it's freaking me out." Way to be subtle Clyde. Tweek looked up and giggled at that, yes Tweek and I giggled, Craig and Token laugh. I have no fucking clue why I giggle, I just do.

"He said it!" he squeaked loudly and pulled his knees into his chest like some happy schoolgirl.

"Oh no he didn't!" I said back, sounding like a school girl.

"Yeah he finally admitted it!"

"Token did too!" I was so happy nobody was there to hear us squealing like school girls, also glad that Craig will never realize that I stole his line of so happy. What Tweek was talking about was the crush we both thought Craig had on him. Tweek and I being the ukes of the relationships, I know we've never done it before but come on you think a crybaby like me is going to top? I don't think so. Anyway we'd always talked with one another about our feelings and all that girly stuff since I really had nobody I could trust but him and Tweek was not good at keeping emotions bottled up.

Soon Token and Craig came back in the room. I smiled as Token took his spot and I crawled into his lap and sighed with pure happiness.

"Sweet Jesus!" came a yelp and I looked up to see Craig had pulled the trembling Tweek into his lap which had freaked out the blonde. Craig had that monotone expression on his face however I saw the sides of his mouth twitching. His eyes showed happiness as Tweek relaxed and Token and I looked at one another.

"Guys how are we going to be awake for school tomorrow?" Token asked and we all looked at the clock to see it was almost three in the morning.

"Eh let's just ditch." said Craig with a shrug.

"We can't do that! What if we miss something important!"

"Tweek anything we learn in that high school is not going to help us in the real world, I think we all can agree on that." We all laughed, and I felt my eyes drooping as Token's fingers rubbed into my hair.

Yeah I can just ditch tomorrow, my parents are going to kill me anyway. Not only am I a homosexual, but I loved Token Black, the boy they never want over their house. Well at least I wasn't the only one who had some explaining to do. I personally felt bad for Tweek with his creepy weird dad who spoke in big words I could never understand. Token kissed my forehead, and with that my worries melted away with the rising and falling of his chest and the thumping of his heart.

* * *

><p>I had to add some creek since it's one of my favorite pairings. Anyways next chapter gets better as we have the confrontation with Clyde's parents so stay tuned!<p> 


	5. My Decision

"Clyde Donovan!" I'm not sure if any of you have woken up to your mother screaming your name but trust me it was petrifying to my still sleeping form, and of course that caused me to jump up and look around wildly only to feel myself restrained by something.

"Did you have to wake him up?" I heard another voice and I looked up and swallowed. My mom and dad were staring, well more like glaring at me right now. Mr. and Mrs. Black looked compassionate, yet determined, and I noticed with a sinking feeling in my gut that Token was still holding me. I looked up at him and realized he was the one who had spoken, Tweek and Craig were gone, probably fled when they saw my parents come barging in. His eyes were filled with anger and I didn't like that so I snuggled closer to him trying to make him relax.

I looked to my left just a little to see my parents grow even angrier with that tiny move.

"Mr. and Mrs. Donovan, can't we please discuss this?" asked Mrs. Black. "Your son is sick, he need to be cared for."

"Our son is not sick!" yelled my dad. "Unless you count this disgusting disease he seems to have caught from your son!"

"My son is not dieseased! It wass Clyde's decision!" said Mrs. Black in a high tone but still not yelling and I was afriad she was angry with me, however I sighed with relief at her next sentence since she continued to defend me. "He's old enough to decide what he wants to do with his life!"

"Alright then Clyde make your decision." My dad turned to me and I stared at him with a bit of fear, I'd never seen his eyes so dark and filled with hatred. "Either you come home with us right now, or you find yourself another place to live." I froze, wait what was he making me decide? After I just woke up? Do you know how slow my mind works in the morning?

My mother stared at him in disbelief. "Honey are you serious?"

My dad looked at her and sighed, "Mrs. Black is right, however if he doesn't want to repent and admit his wrongdoings and be the son we want him to be then I don't want his ass living in my house."

"Well let's just drag him home." My mother said and he shook his head.

"He'd never listen to us, not in the way we want." I knew what he meant, I'd never ever love them or even look at them the same. I'd hate them for the rest of my life, although it wasn't like I already didn't.

I was also afraid of one more thing, what happened if I did go with them, I know they wouldn't let this little disobedience go unpunished. I didn't want to be hurt anymore, I just wanted to be happy! Why the hell was that so hard for me to accomplish?

"Mr. Donovan please." said Mrs, Black but he shook his head.

"Pick Clyde."

I looked at Token who looked at me with the same uncertainty I had in his own eyes. I knew the Blacks could easily take me in, I knew they had the money but I didn't want to be a burden, I couldn't make the choice that would affect their daily lifestyle. I sighed and stood up only to have Token grab my wrist. I looked at him and I saw fear in his eyes.

"Clyde please." he whispered and I felt tears coming to my eyes. I looked at my parents who were glaring impatiently and I sighed knowing the choice, it wasn't the one I should've made but it was the one I did.

"I want to stay." It was a wavering whisper but the room was so quiet it sounded like I'd said it through a megaphone and with that bolted into Token's arms.

Sure it was selfish of me, but I just couldn't...

My parents stared, I knew they were shocked and my mother hissed. "Enough of this! You are coming home with us and that's." She stopped as my father began walking. "Where are you going!" she hissed, and he froze.

"Forget him, he's a worthless freak." The words hurt but they could be ignored, they weren't physical punches. I heard my mother complain the entire way to the door and the slamming of it as they left only to hear her wailing about how I'd shamed the family as they walked to the car.

I sniffled into Tokens chest and he smiled pulling me into his arms. "Good choice Clyde." he said happily as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"It's a good thing we have all those spare bedrooms." said Mr. Black with a smile.

"No, I couldn't possibly." I said trying to stand, "I mean I don't want to be a burden."

"Clyde you're not, trust me." said Mrs. Black. "I'd rather have you living in the house than Craig or Tweek, at least you can socialize." I smiled as Token snuggled me closer.

"And we get to spend every moment together." he said happily and I smiled at him. He was right, we'd make it through everything and for once I'd made a choice that I wanted and it felt good!

Really, really good!

"Clyde you hungry?" Token asked and I looked up at him and shook my head, not yet, I was still a little too excited from the earlier events.

"A little later?" I asked and he nodded with a smile.

"As long as we get something into you, I've always wanted a little brother."

"I'm not little."

"No, but you are still shorter than me and younger which makes me the older brother."

"Token!" I growled angrily trying to untangle myself from his arms as a form of punishment only to be pulled back in and held firmly against his chest.

"You're not going anywhere." I thought of fighting but instead made my body go limp and relax against him.

"Can we watch a movie?" I asked, sure it was early but now I was wide awake and with all my sleeping yesterday I was as hyper as a humming bird, plus Token was the only one in South Park who had On Demand or Xfinity whatever the fuck it's called now.

"Sure, whatever you want." said Token giving me a kiss on the side of my head. He picked up the remote and in no time we were flicking through movie titles. I wanted to watch a scary movie, not because I like them because I really hate them, but just because I wanted a reason to get even closer to Token then I already was. Bad choice however because Token doesn't pick a scary movie in which I could cuddle up to him for protection, he decides on a scary disgustingly gory film.

If you've never heard of the SAW franchise then consider yourself quite lucky. I was forced to watch the most recent one I believe, and in the first two minutes I felt like I was going to be sick. They were carving themselves like turkeys! I felt bile in my throat and I moaned gently pushing my head into Token's chest and hiding my eyes from the offending movie. I heard Token chuckle gently and begin rubbing my hair and I turned back around slightly to watch it. Trust me it only got worse and worse until I realized something.

"Uh Token I gotta go."

"No you don't." said Token confused. "I thought you said you were staying here."

"Not that kind of go!" I argued, "You know, need to take a number one."

"Oh, Ohhh!" he said eyes lighting up in understanding. He let me go and I stood up, my legs feeling a bit wobbly from doing nothing the day before but still managing to stay up. I began walking when I realized something annoying, Token was following me.

I glanced back at him confused, "What are you doing?"

"Coming with you to the bathroom." he stated.

"Uh why?"

"Just to make sure you don't do anything." I looked confused and shrugged it off as I reached the door. "Don't lock it ok?" he asked and I nodded, closing the door behind me and wondering what that was all about. Of course I really did have to go so I did my business, and then after flushing did my other morning routine. I quietly put the seat down and kneeled by the toilet already feeling the bile rising in my stomach.

However I held it in and simply rested my head on the ice cold toilet seat, random yes I know but for some reason the coolness always comforted me, it was the only friend I had after throwing up and I always thought I could do this whenever I felt sick. I closed my eyes, gently letting the coolness absorb into my forehead.

That's when I was yanked by my collar back which immediately cut off my supply of air causing me to gasp and flail my arms like an idiot.

Token was glaring at me. "What were you doing?"

"Nothing." I said stupefied, "Why the fuck did you do that! That hurt!"

"Were you going to puke again!" he demanded and I looked at him confused.

"No, why the hell would you think that!" I snapped, then realized what it probably looked like to him. "Oh, no Token it's just." I groaned. "Alright I know this is going to sound stupid and really a bad excuse but I just like the feeling of the toilet seat on my head." I blushed, oh god this really did sound horrible. "It's really calming to me."

Token looked at me suspiciously as I stood up and smiled at him. "I promise I wasn't purging." He kept the suspicious eyes on me making me sigh as I headed back to the living room, looks like I get zero trust as of right now. Even though the trip to the bathroom wasn't a long walk I felt winded by the time I got back to the couch and I flopped back into my position. Token stood with his arms crossed like a pouting teenager and I pointed at his spot. He smiled and sat while I literally climbed onto him like a monkey and cuddled him, just smelling the smell of Token. He leaned down and began nibbling on my neck which tickled and made me burst out laughing. His fingers went to my shoulder blades and began to rub them gently earning appreciative mewls. I know I'm really weak but I just love it when Token rubs me, and now he could do it whenever he wanted. He smirked and before I knew it the movie was back on and my romantic moment destroyed.

Oh well, at least he still rubbed my back while we watched it, I'll give him some bonus points for that.


	6. Don't Send Me Away

"Now open wide." Token's voice chided gently making me roll my eyes at him, I mean I'm seventeen! I pouted and glared slightly at him making him laugh. "Now Clyde if you want to get all better you need to eat." I knew I had to but that honestly wasn't wasn't helping Token, neither was bumping the spoon against my lips over and over again as if it would somehow slip into my mouth.

I sighed and opened my mouth the tiniest bit, just enough for the food to slide into my mouth. However unlike the soup from the night before I was really having trouble keeping it down. I felt the tapioca sitting in my mouth and I knew I just had to swallow, however I felt myself heave and in seconds I had spat the pudding out, right onto Token's shirt. I dry heaved painfully and sputtered, nothing but drool dripping from my mouth as I coughed. I looked up pathetically only to have my mouth wiped with a soft linen napkin which made me feel guilty, I was getting my drool on such a nice thing.

"Sorry." I muttered as my body relaxed and I heard a soft sigh.

"Clyde," he stopped and started again, "You've got to hold something in, please, for me?"

"You think I have a choice!" I immediately sputtered glaring slightly at him with an anger that spontaneous flamed in me and I immediately regretted it and covered my mouth with slightly widened eyes. "Token I.."

"Shhh." Token pressed his finger to my lips and eased me into his lap, gently easing my back so I was laying down slightly in his arms. "You're ok." He soothed gently and my body relaxed. He picked up the spoon and filled it with a less amount of pudding and held it to my lips, "Try again, please?"

I sighed and took the pudding into my mouth again, this time swallowing it only to have an uncomfortable shudder go through my body. I coughed and felt extremely uncomfortable, nuzzling closer to Token only to feel a wet spot. I looked at the spot only to see a dark stain from where I'd spat out the pudding. I paled slightly and nuzzled into a chest trying to show him how sorry I was.

"It's ok." Token soothed gently placing his hand in my hair, "It's just a shirt."

No it wasn't, it was an incredibly expensive shirt that I had just puked all over.

My face flushed and I looked up at him while slightly panting which earned me a sigh and the barely eaten pudding was placed on a table and I was pulled into his arms. Oh god the pudding was rolling in my stomach and I began coughing as Token pulled me close.

"Shh." he tried to sooth me again only making me cry more, why couldn't I hold in anything? I wanted to get better!

"Token, is he ok?" Mr. Black was back and he looked at the both of us. Unlike my parents who would be disgusted if I was holding Token like this he seemed fine with it.

"Yeah, he's just having some trouble keeping the food down." said Token running his hand through my hair.

"Token I really do hate to ask this, but I'm trying to think of what's best for Clyde." I froze and looked up, oh no was he going to send me back to live with my parents? My grip tightened on Token's shirt and he frowned.

"What are you saying dad?"

"Your mother and I were wondering, maybe it would be best to send Clyde to one of those rehab places, so he could get better and then come live with us again. We're not trying to kick him out, it's just they know what they're doing better than we do." I heard Token sigh as he thought and immediately I panicked.

No, no, no! No way in hell was I going to one of those places! I shivered remembering documentaries I'd watched of people going to those places; the ones that broke the rules, and got stomach tubes to force feed them, and those creepy therapists.

"Clyde? Clyde!" I was snapped out of my thoughts by Token who was staring at me with concern as was Mr. Black. I felt something warm trickling down my face and I realized I was crying.

"I.. I'll eat the pudding." and with that I grabbed the bowl and began forcing it down my throat. Trust me, worst decision I have ever made. Immediately I felt like I was going to throw up again and the bowl and spoon were wrenched out of my hands and thrown on the table. I swallowed whatever I had in my mouth, although some managed to come back up and I felt it sliding past my lips and oozing down my face. Like before the napkin came and wiped it as my body began shaking uncontrollably.

"Clyde why the hell did you do that!" Token asked with a tone of anger as he wrapped a blanket around me. I saw why he was mad because my stomach immediately filled with a cramping pain and I curled instinctively, blinking my eyes quickly to try and relieve the feeling.

"I.. Don't send me to those places Token." I whispered, "I'll eat, I promise, I'll get better." Immediate sympathy filled Token's face and his father looked regretful.

"Oh Clyde, we won't." Token began soothing rubbing his hand on my back. "You didn't have to do that Clyde; I know you'll get better."

"I didn't mean to upset you Clyde." said Mr. Black with regret in his voice. "I didn't know you were so afraid."

I hiccupped and began to fight the feeling to purge, you can hold it Clyde, you can hold it.

Soon the warmth from the blanket and Token's body hit me and I sighed in relief as the feeling began to cover my entire body. I nuzzled my head into Token's chest and began relaxing myself as Token's fingers began to brush out my knotty hair. He and his father began talking while I simply dozed on and off in Token's arms. I caught words of their conversation but I was so out of it that it sounded like words mashed together. Soon I was aware of someone shaking me.

"Clyde?" I blinked and looked up, my stomach was still painfully flip flopping and Token smiled, "Hey, you want to clean up a bit?" I realized I hadn't showered in like two days and my face blushed slightly red and I wondered if this was Token's way of telling me I smelled. I nodded and Token eased himself out from under me saying something about running me a bath.

Wow, I don't think I've ever really had a bath; my parents could never really afford luxuries like that. The only bath I'd ever had was when I was a baby and my parents would wash me in the sink.

Then I realized something else, Token hadn't been to school since I'd been sick plus the day he'd missed half to take me here. How many days was that? In all honesty I'd lost count after going in and out of sleep.

Soon Token was back and helping me off the couch making me shiver and throw his hands off me. I was strong enough to walk to the bathroom and damn it I had a little pride left in me, however Token stopped me from going into the usual bathroom and I gave him a confused look. "Upstairs, you're using my personal bathroom." said Token as he fluffed my hair.

"You have a personal bathroom?" I asked in surprise as he led me upstairs. Even though we'd been friends for years his parents didn't love for us to go upstairs, something about clean carpets and messy teens. When I stepped into his bathroom I swear my mouth dropped. It was beautiful, gleaming white and bigger than my bedroom. There was a huge bathtub, and a walk in shower, and dozens of soaps and things that I really wanted to try out.

"You want me to leave you alone?" Token asked and I shook my head. I knew he'd be more comfortable if he was positive I wasn't puking my brains out and if he was more comfortable that made me happy. However I did make him turn around as I undressed and slid into the tub. As I entered the water I let out a loud gasp which immediately alerted Token. "What? What's wrong?" he asked concerned only to hear me sigh in response.

"This feels amazing." I said with another relaxed sigh and Token sighed as well but his was in relief. The bubbles were thick and white and covered my shoulders in their warmth. I leaned back and all the stress and tension I'd been feeling simply melted away and the thought that I could now take one of these whenever I wanted made me sigh again. Suddenly I felt water hit my head and drip down it and I looked up to see Token gently pouring water over my head.

"You need to wash your hair too." he said with a smirk as he filled his fingers with shampoo. I wanted to stop him and tell him the problem with my hair when his fingers gently began messaging my scalp. I sighed with pleasure and sunk a bit deeper into the bath only to freeze when I felt him go rigid.

"Your hair is.."

"I know." I said sadly which warned me a quick rinse which I made even quicker by dunking my head under the water, then shaking my head like a dog.

"Clyde!" Token yelled trying to shield himself and I laughed, forgetting about the hairs that were flying off my head. Soon I began washing myself with one of the scented soaps and as I leaned forward to scrub my feet a soft hand gently felt my back which made me tense. I looked to see Token frowning as his fingers trailed my spin which stuck out against my skin. I shot back up trying to hide it and blushed slightly, trying to ignore Token's frown. Soon I finished cleaning myself and glanced at Token who sighed and left the room understanding what I was getting at. I climbed out of the tub and dried myself with a towel Token had left out for me, and then I noticed the robe he'd left for me as well. I grabbed it in my hands and gently felt the material; it was so soft and warm. I yawned already tried again, I had to stop sleeping this much. I stepped out of the bathroom and yawned again only to be scooped up in Token's arms.

Usually I would have complained, but at that moment my eyes shut and I fell asleep.


End file.
